I have always worked with developmental writers at the college level (32
years). In all that time, I don't think I have ever tried to teach
students to vary sentence starts. The only time I talk to students
about how sentences start is if they are starting sentences in a way
that interferes with such things as old-new information placement,
coherence and other factors which interfere with the reader's ability to
understand.
The following is a passage written by a student exiting a developmental
composition class. Several of the sentences seem to illustrate this
problem. It's not that the sentences are too uniform; it's that the
information seems to show up in the wrong place. My personal take on
this is that the student is learning to use sources and write more
sophisticated sentences, but she hasn't had a lot of practice. It's
pretty easy for students to get into a sentence and then not be able to
figure out how to get out. Also, she may not have been taught to
consider the needs of her audience. We use a sentence combining workbook
in these classes; I think I see evidence that she is trying to use some
of those structures. I think students at this stage need assistance in
learning to make conscious choices about sentence structure which will
lead to clearer, more coherent, and reader-friendly writing. Of course,
I am fortunate that at my institution, classes are small, so I have time
to work with students individually.
"For example, eating a great amount of popcorn in a large container
proves a behavior in mind and not of hunger. It is an amazing discovery
of what this can do in our behavior. A choice that is made by the mind
and not the stomach is part of a behavior and choice that we tend to
make. An educator discovered that food size does matter in the way of
making the right choice. This is one study of method discovered by an
educator by the name of Brian Wansink, who attempted several different
scientific tests. Comparing size portions of food and the size of
dishware has a lot to do with how choices and behaviors are made by
people discovered by Mr. Wansink, the author of the book," Mindless
Eating." Decisions made by people are like a structural design of
choices was another discovery made by a psychologist. The way choices
are presented to people is a question of making the right one. The point
is, we need to consider the importance of making the right decisions,
eating habits, and the state of mind."
Janet
-----Original Message-----
From: Assembly for the Teaching of English Grammar
[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Craig Hancock
Sent: Tuesday, May 19, 2009 5:59 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Sentences beginning with conjunctions
It's a delight to be away from the list for a day and then find my
position so well argued in the meantime.
The "training wheels" metaphor would work if "varying sentence
openers"
was an easier way to write. It's not. It's a little like trying to get
kids to learn to ride with one eye shut. It's not good advice or good
training.
Craig>
Varying sentence openings is a topic in every handbook ever written,
> beginning in very early years---at least by grade seven, I'm sure---
> and continuing into every college handbook on the market. You'd think
> with that much repetition, it would have taken hold somewhere along
> the line.
> I'd rather see the space devoted to how to achieve coherence.
>
> Ed
>
> On May 18, 2009, at 9:58 PM, Jan Kammert wrote:
>
>> I think it was someone on this list who, months ago, talked about
>> training wheels in teaching. Telling students to vary the way their
>> sentences start seems to me like training wheels.
>>
>> Eventually the wheels come off. It is hard to get those wheels off
>> for some kids, though. Today a student told me that a sentence
>> cannot start with a pronoun. I have never heard that one before!
>>
>> Are you familiar with 6 trait writing? One of the traits is
>> sentence fluency. One part of sentence fluency is starting
>> sentences in different ways. Craig, if you can look at 6 trait
>> writing, I'd love to hear what you think about it.
>> Jan
>>
>>
>> ---------- Original message from Susan van Druten
<[log in to unmask]
>> >: ----------
>>
>>
>>> Craig,
>>> Unless you have taught average students in high school (or younger
>>> grades), I think you should rethink your stance. Don't just trust me
>>> on this. Maybe others who are on this list will chime in: Is
>>> teaching struggling writers to consider varying their sentence start
>>> is a helpful strategy? If you were intimately familiar with that
>>> type of student writing, you would know that I am not exaggerating
>>> just how robotic their essays can be.
>>>
>>> When I cover parallel structure in AP and honors classes, we talk
>>> about the difference between purposeful repetition (emphasis, humor,
>>> known-new, hooks, etc.) and repetition born by uninspired, lazy
>>> writing.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> On May 18, 2009, at 8:30 AM, Craig Hancock wrote:
>>>
>>>> Susan,
>>>> If I saw the same writing, I might very well agree that change is
>>>> needed, but I wouldn't use "sentence variety" as a motivation. I'm
>>>> sure
>>>> we can find many instances where good writers maintain subjects for
>>>> longer stretches than that. The last time this came up on the
>>>> list, I
>>>> was teaching Frost's "Acquainted With the Night" and observed that
>>>> ALL
>>>> the sentences in that poem begin with "I have." Look closely at
>>>> Obama's
>>>> acclaimed speech on race, and you'll see many instances of sentence
>>>> openers repeated many times. I kn ow that because my grammar class
>>>> worked on a passage as an optional final.
>>>> Francis Christensen deals with many of these issues in "Notes
>>>> toward a
>>>> new Rhetoric" in an essay called "Sentence Openers." (Among other
>>>> things, he reports in his samples that 8.75% of sentences in
>>>> expository
>>>> writing for professional writers start with the fanboy
>>>> conjunctions. In
>>>> fiction, it was 4.55%. He called it a sign of "a mature style.")
The
>>>> essay is largely an argument against calls for unique sentence
>>>> openers
>>>> for purposes of variety.
>>>> He ends the essay in this way: "What we need is a rhetorical
>>>> theory of
>>>> the sentence that will not merely combine the ideas of primer
>>>> sentences, but will generate new ideas. In such a rhetoric,
sentence
>>>> elements would not be managed arbitrarily for the sake of secondary
>>>> concerns such as variety. They would be treated functionally and
the
>>>> variety--and its opposite, parallelism and balance--allowed to grow
>>>> from the materials and the effort to communicate them to the
>>>> reader."
>>>> since Ed brought up the issue, I would add that he found about
>>>> 28.5% of
>>>> sentences in professional expository writing open with adverbials.
>>>> The
>>>> number is smaller (20%) for fiction. There is great variability,
>>>> though, byu author. The highest he found was for Rachel Carson's
>>>> "The
>>>> Sea Around Us", 79/200, almost 40%. The most common subject in
>>>> fiction,
>>>> by the way, is a pronoun.
>>>>
>>>> Craig>
>>>>
>>>> Craig,
>>>>>
>>>>> Varying sentence starts and known-new are different concepts.
>>>>> Students should do both. You have nicely analyzed my writing, but
>>>>> your analysis is irrelevant to my point.
>>>>>
>>>>> My students start their sentences with "He" five times in a row.
>>>>> Or
>>>>> "There is" or "It is" five times in a row.
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> On May 17, 2009, at 7:13 PM, Craig Hancock wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> Susan,
>>>>>> I honestly didn't get the point. But let me try again to
>>>>>> describe your
>>>>>> own writing. "We" brings you and I into focus. "a teacher" is the
>>>>>> subject of the subordinate clause that starts sentence two. "I"
is
>>>>>> main
>>>>>> clause subject. "That" refers back to the previous two sentences
>>>>>> and is
>>>>>> hardly "stylistic" in its choice. Do you start the second
>>>>>> paragraph
>>>>>> with "but" to prove a point? It seems a very good example of
>>>>>> what I
>>>>>> was
>>>>>> talking about earlier. "A teacher" heads that sentence, a
>>>>>> carryover
>>>>>> from the previous paragraph and very much a given. Students then
>>>>>> come
>>>>>> into play, with "they" in the subordinate clause subject slots.
"A
>>>>>> teacher" is again the subject of the next sentence. "I" is the
>>>>>> subject
>>>>>> of the next two sentences, and "they" (standing in for students)
>>>>>> ends
>>>>>> the paragraph. You are doing what I am talking about, making the
>>>>>> starts
>>>>>> of your sentences "given", even repeating subjects ("a teacher",
>>>>>> "they", "I")to build coherence. In almost every case, there is
>>>>>> nothing
>>>>>> about the subject itself that calls attention. It's "given", with
>>>>>> attention on the new information to follow.
>>>>>> If you are speaking/writing about your own understandings
(your
>>>>>> surprise at what I believe, what you have noticed, your
>>>>>> intentions and
>>>>>> expectations), then "I" is the natural choice of subject. The
>>>>>> "new"
>>>>>> information comes in the second part of the sentences. I suspect
>>>>>> that
>>>>>> the sentences in the third paragraph are short and clipped
>>>>>> because you
>>>>>> want them to sound simple, but the "I" subjects don't pose a
>>>>>> problem.
>>>>>> I do not vary my subjects. If anything, I work hard to keep a
>>>>>> topic in
>>>>>> focus for longer stretches of text, something I'm told the
>>>>>> computer
>>>>>> assessments are designed to pick up as a sign of sophistication.
>>>>>> Inexperienced writers jump topics (and subjects) much too
>>>>>> quickly, and
>>>>>> it's not unusual for them to say they have been taught to do
that.
>>>>>> (Notice how "Inexperienced writers" is followed by "them" and
>>>>>> "they" in
>>>>>> the above compound sentence. "It's" is a dummy subject. "They"
>>>>>> also
>>>>>> starts the sentence to come.) They may be naturually coherent,
but
>>>>>> have
>>>>>> been advised against following those instincts when they write.
>>>>>> If you pick up a collection of award winning essays, you'll
find
>>>>>> the
>>>>>> point verified essay after essay. Good writers repeat. They
>>>>>> sustain
>>>>>> subjects for long stretches, building in new information as they
>>>>>> go.
>>>>>> You also seem to do that when you write, at least in your recent
>>>>>> post.
>>>>>> I always spend time with classes looking at exactly this
>>>>>> coherence
>>>>>> building in effective texts. I underline the subjects in a
>>>>>> paragraph of
>>>>>> student writing just to direct attention to how quickly a topic
is
>>>>>> shifting in their text. They see it right away and adjust.
>>>>>> Our advice should be based on observations about how meaning
>>>>>> happens
>>>>>> and on how effective writing works.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Craig
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>> On May 16, 2009, at 9:20 PM, Craig Hancock wrote:
>>>>>>>> You don't help students by giving them
>>>>>>>> a false description of language because you believe they aren't
>>>>>>>> capable
>>>>>>>> of the truth.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Maybe we don't actually disagree. If a teacher actually told
her
>>>>>>> students that good writers never start sentences with the word
>>>>>>> "because" or an essay that doesn't have a thesis at the end of
>>>>>>> the
>>>>>>> first paragraph is wrong and an example of bad writing, then I
am
>>>>>>> with you. That is false information.
>>>>>>>>>>>> But a teacher who tells her students that they can only
>>>>>>>>>>>> write in
>>>>>>> pencil, or that they must show their work, or that their essay
>>>>>>> must
>>>>>>> have 5 paragraphs is not giving them false information. Should
a
>>>>>>> teacher clarify that the rule about "because" is only for this
>>>>>>> class
>>>>>>> and that when they are older they may break this rule? Yes. I
>>>>>>> think
>>>>>>> that probably does happen. I think it is too much for some
>>>>>>> students
>>>>>>> to process, and what they retain is just the rule itself.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> "Vary sentence starts" would be another example of bad advice.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I am surprise that you believe this. I notice you vary your
>>>>>>> sentence
>>>>>>> starts. I do too. I would only break that rule to prove a
>>>>>>> point. I
>>>>>>> hope I have proved it. I am not sure if I have. I hope you
>>>>>>> will let
>>>>>>> me know.
>>
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