The seventh grade student has succeded well to put her colloquial spoken expressions down on paper. I'm wondering whether anything can be done to preserve this flavor. When we start to correct only the punctuation there are other attrocities that show their head. As the editor fixes more and more the work ceases to be that of a 13-year-old girl. We then have a work in formal English. I think the seventh grade doesn't need to know the answer to a question that is so disputable among respected authors, her teachers, or the teachers of her teachers. Here is a rewrite that seems to help make the essay a little more readable.
Best Friends
My friends and I get along well, but it is only my best friends and I that get along great. Of course few people would dispute this, but not many people could say they have a friend who was like an adopted sister. Since in my family I have three brothers but no sisters, I've always liked pretending that I have sisters. I even have a friend so close that people believe we are sisters. Mary Evans and I almost look like sisters: we both have brown eyes and brown hair. Like sisters we love going shopping together. On occasion, when we wear the same style clothes and go out to eat or do something else together,
people will say we look like each other and assume we are sisters. We can't claim to be twins: there is a vast difference in our ages; she's 20, but I'm 13.
Still we can always say we're sisters who very much like each other.
Of course, I have more than one friend, whom I can call a true friend. I have around eight or nine 'best' friends. I have a best friend in each of my school classes, and even in lunch. In first period, there's Barbara, in second period Sandi, and in third both Lori and Barbara again. When we get to fourth period, there's Sherri, and in fifth there are both Lori and Sandi again. In sixth there are Lori again and Annie. Oh, I almost forgot lunch. In lunch there are Sherri and Barbara again and Carrie. As with Mary Evans, with all these people I have at least one thing in common be it the color of hair or eyes, or even the disliking or liking of the same people. Yet when it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter what we have in common. The truth is, my true friends and I will always have something to talk about. Such friends are hard to find.
>>> [log in to unmask] 06/28/01 04:04PM >>>
The seventh grade student essay is very interesting,
and for the sake of convenience, I've copied and
pasted it below. The writer is setting up a pattern
of ICs. Sometimes they are separated with
conjunctions, and sometimes there's just the comma.
Maybe the pattern is what makes the comma splice seem
acceptable.
Best Friends
Me and my Friends get along good, but only me and
my best of Friends get along great. Sure everyone says
this, but not that many people can say they have, sort
of like, an adopted sister. You see, I have three
brothers and no sisters, and I like pretending I have
sisters. I even have a friend that people believe we
are sisters, her name is Mary Evans. We look almost
like sisters, we both have brown eyes and brown hair,
and we love going shopping together. Sometimes we
wear the same clothes and go out, to eat or something,
and people say we look like each other and we just
say we are sisters. Of cours we can't say we are
twins, because of an age difference, she's 20 I'm 13.
We can always say we're sisters who like each other a
lot. Of course, I have more than one best friend, I
have around eight or nine. I have a best friend in
each class, even in lunch. In first period, I have
Barbara, second period there's Sandi, and in third my
best friend is Lori and Barbara. Unfortunately we get
to 4th period, and that's where Sherri is my friend.
Then in 5th there's Lori and Sandi, in 6th there's
Lori and Annie. Oh, I almost forgot lunch. in lunch
there's Sherri, Barbara, and Carrie. With all these
people I have at least one thing in common, either
hair or eye color, or even disliking or liking the
same people. It doesn't matter what we have in
common, we will always have something to talk about.
True friends are hard to find.
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