I thought so too. It the last paragraph was clever, but I'm not sure it makes its point. Susan succeeds in making that paragraph sound a little awkward and contrived, but I think it sounds that way not because of the repetitive "sentence starts" alone, but because those come in a string of short, simple sentences, and because not all of the sentences with "I" as the subject really have the writer as their topic. On that last point, compare that paragraph to this famous one, in which the repeated subject seems rhetorically well chosen:
"Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live."
OK, maybe it's not a fair comparison. :) But I do think the Gettysburg Address passage suggests that it's not always necessary to "vary sentence starts."
Brian
I am surprise that you believe this. I notice you vary your sentence
>> starts. I do too. I would only break that rule to prove a point. I
>> hope I have proved it. I am not sure if I have. I hope you will let
>> me know.
Brian O'Sullivan, Ph.D.
Assistant Professor of English
Director of the Writing Center
St. Mary’s College of Maryland
Montgomery Hall 50
18952 E. Fisher Rd.
St. Mary’s City, Maryland
20686
240-895-4242
-----Original Message-----
From: Assembly for the Teaching of English Grammar on behalf of Peter Adams
Sent: Sun 5/17/2009 4:06 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Sentences beginning with conjunctions
Craig,
I think Susan was toying with you . . .
Peter
On May 17, 2009, at 4:00 PM, Craig Hancock wrote:
> Susan,
> In your own post, "teacher" and "student" get repeated very
> effectively. The subject of your third sentence is "that", which
> refers
> back to the content of thwe previous sentences. You use "But" to start
> your second paragraph. Every sentence in your final paragraph starts
> with "I", and I don't mean that as a criticism. Much of our advice
> about writing doesn't match what good writers do.
>
> Craig
>
>>
>
> On May 16, 2009, at 9:20 PM, Craig Hancock wrote:
>>> You don't help students by giving them
>>> a false description of language because you believe they aren't
>>> capable
>>> of the truth.
>>
>>
>> Maybe we don't actually disagree. If a teacher actually told her
>> students that good writers never start sentences with the word
>> "because" or an essay that doesn't have a thesis at the end of the
>> first paragraph is wrong and an example of bad writing, then I am
>> with you. That is false information.
>>
>> But a teacher who tells her students that they can only write in
>> pencil, or that they must show their work, or that their essay must
>> have 5 paragraphs is not giving them false information. Should a
>> teacher clarify that the rule about "because" is only for this class
>> and that when they are older they may break this rule? Yes. I think
>> that probably does happen. I think it is too much for some students
>> to process, and what they retain is just the rule itself.
>>
>>> "Vary sentence starts" would be another example of bad advice.
>>
>> I am surprise that you believe this. I notice you vary your sentence
>> starts. I do too. I would only break that rule to prove a point. I
>> hope I have proved it. I am not sure if I have. I hope you will let
>> me know.
>>
>> To join or leave this LISTSERV list, please visit the list's web
>> interface
>> at:
>> http://listserv.muohio.edu/archives/ateg.html
>> and select "Join or leave the list"
>>
>> Visit ATEG's web site at http://ateg.org/
>>
>
> To join or leave this LISTSERV list, please visit the list's web
> interface at:
> http://listserv.muohio.edu/archives/ateg.html
> and select "Join or leave the list"
>
> Visit ATEG's web site at http://ateg.org/
To join or leave this LISTSERV list, please visit the list's web interface at:
http://listserv.muohio.edu/archives/ateg.html
and select "Join or leave the list"
Visit ATEG's web site at http://ateg.org/
To join or leave this LISTSERV list, please visit the list's web interface at:
http://listserv.muohio.edu/archives/ateg.html
and select "Join or leave the list"
Visit ATEG's web site at http://ateg.org/
|
