Craig,

That's a very interesting piece of analysis.  I think it represents precisely the kind of grammar we should be teaching our writing students.  It demonstrates very nicely how certain grammatical choices help to structure information into easily absorbed presentation.

Herb

Herbert F. W. Stahlke, Ph.D.
Emeritus Professor of English
Ball State University
Muncie, IN  47306
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________________________________________
From: Assembly for the Teaching of English Grammar [[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Craig Hancock [[log in to unmask]]
Sent: May 17, 2009 8:13 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Sentences beginning with conjunctions

Susan,
   I honestly didn't get the point. But let me try again to describe your
own writing. "We" brings you and I into focus. "a teacher" is the
subject of the subordinate clause that starts sentence two. "I" is main
clause subject. "That" refers back to the previous two sentences and is
hardly "stylistic" in its choice. Do you start the second paragraph
with "but" to prove a point? It seems a very good example of what I was
talking about earlier. "A teacher" heads that sentence, a carryover
from the previous paragraph and very much a given. Students then come
into play, with "they" in the subordinate clause subject slots. "A
teacher" is again the subject of the next sentence. "I" is the subject
of the next two sentences, and "they" (standing in for students) ends
the paragraph. You are doing what I am talking about, making the starts
of your sentences "given", even repeating subjects ("a teacher",
"they", "I")to build coherence. In almost every case, there is nothing
about the subject itself that calls attention. It's "given", with
attention on the new information to follow.
    If you are speaking/writing about your own understandings (your
surprise at what I believe, what you have noticed, your intentions and
expectations), then "I" is the natural choice of subject. The "new"
information comes in the second part of the sentences. I suspect that
the sentences in the third paragraph are short and clipped because you
want them to sound simple, but the "I" subjects don't pose a problem.
   I do not vary my subjects. If anything, I work hard to keep a topic in
focus for longer stretches of text, something I'm told the computer
assessments are designed to pick up as a sign of sophistication.
   Inexperienced writers jump topics (and subjects) much too quickly, and
it's not unusual for them to say they have been taught to do that.
(Notice how "Inexperienced writers" is followed by "them" and "they" in
the above compound sentence. "It's" is a dummy subject. "They" also
starts the sentence to come.) They may be naturually coherent, but have
been advised against following those instincts when they write.
   If you pick up a collection of award winning essays, you'll find the
point verified essay after essay. Good writers repeat. They sustain
subjects for long stretches, building in new information as they go.
You also seem to do that when you write, at least in your recent post.
   I always spend time with classes looking at exactly this coherence
building in effective texts. I underline the subjects in a paragraph of
student writing just to direct attention to how quickly a topic is
shifting in their text. They see it right away and adjust.
   Our advice should be based on observations about how meaning happens
and on how effective writing works.

Craig



On May 16, 2009, at 9:20 PM, Craig Hancock wrote:
>> You don't help students by giving them
>> a false description of language because you believe they aren't
>> capable
>> of the truth.
>
>
> Maybe we don't actually disagree.  If a teacher actually told her
> students that good writers never start sentences with the word
> "because" or an essay that doesn't have a thesis at the end of the
> first paragraph is wrong and an example of bad writing, then I am
> with you.  That is false information.
>
> But a teacher who tells her students that they can only write in
> pencil, or that they must show their work, or that their essay must
> have 5 paragraphs is not giving them false information.  Should a
> teacher clarify that the rule about "because" is only for this class
> and that when they are older they may break this rule?  Yes.  I think
> that probably does happen.  I think it is too much for some students
> to process, and what they retain is just the rule itself.
>
>> "Vary sentence starts" would be another example of bad advice.
>
> I am surprise that you believe this.  I notice you vary your sentence
> starts.  I do too.  I would only break that rule to prove a point.  I
> hope I have proved it.  I am not sure if I have.  I hope you will let
> me know.
>
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