Susan,
   I believe that mentoring young people on their path toward a mature
literacy is a very difficult process. As teachers, we should all be
constantly examining and refining our practices. We are far, far from
perfect in what we do. That is at least equally true of our profession
as a whole. We need to ask ourselves, over and over again, if what we
are doing is best for the students we are serving. Once you posted to
the list that you ask students to vary their sentence openings to keep
from being boring, that advice became subject to the kind of
conversation we do routinely on this list. It has nothing at all to do
with whether any of us believe you are a nazi or a bad teacher. We
simply need to be able to consider these approaches with an open mind.
I hope you can understand that the spirit of conversation was never
intended to be personal.
   That being said, I would ask you to question seriously whether the
"style guide" you are using is at all thoughtful or accurate. It says,
first of all, that students use non-subject openers about 50% of the
time. I wonder if that is based on any kind of scholarly study. The
studies refered to on list recently seem to show that a professional
writer opens with the subject much MORE than that, at an average of
about 75%. The lowest total in Christensen's study was 60%, the highest
about 90% for acclaimed professional writers. If that is the case, then
students already vary sentence openings more than mature writers. I
would add that the writers in the study were successful, not boring.
   I would recommend a book like Martha Kolln's "Rhetorical Grammar" as a
more linguistically sound source of advice.
   But above all, don't be shy about joining our talk. I apologize if
anything I said made you feel as if you were under attack as a teacher.
As a profession, we are still a long way from having fully grounded,
effective, widely accepted practices. We need to be respectful of each
other as we work that out, and I apologize again for any failures on my
part to do that.

Craig


 Jean, I give them a handout that can be found in many style guides.
> I'm pasting it in.  Sorry if some of you thought I was a writing
> Nazi, who demanded students never dare repeat the same starting word
> in an entire essay.  Yikes, I should have experienced lots more
> outrage, tar, and feathers!
>
> Sentence Beginnings
> Vary the beginnings of your sentences.
>
>
> Most writers begin about half their sentences with the subject—far
> more than the number of sentences begun in any other way.  But
> overuse of the subject-first beginnings results in monotonous
> writing.  Below are several ways to vary the beginnings of your
> sentences.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> WORDS
>
>
>
>
>
> Two adjectives:               Angry and proud, Alice resolved to
> fight back.
>
>
> An adverb:                     Suddenly a hissing and clattering came
> from the heights around us.
>
>
>
> A connecting word:          For students who have just survived the
> brutal college-entrance marathon, this competitive atmosphere is all
> too familiar.  But others, accustomed to being stars in high school,
> find themselves feeling lost in a crowd of overachievers.
>
>
>
> An interrupting adverb:     A healthy body, however, is just as
> important as a healthy mind.
>
>
>
> A series of words:            Light, water, temperature, minerals—
> these affect the health of plants.
>
>   PHRASES
>
>
>
>
>
>
> A connecting phrase:        If the Soviet care and feeding of
> athletes at times looks enviable, it is far from perfect.  For one
> thing, it can be ruthless.
>
>
>
> A prepositional phrase:     Out of necessity they stitched all of
> their secret fears and lingering childhood nightmares into this
> existence.
>
>
>
> An infinitive:                  To be really successful, you will
> have to be trilingual: fluent in English, Spanish, and computer.
>
>
> A gerund:                       Maintaining a daily exercise program
> is essential.
>
>
> A participle:                   Looking out of the window high over
> the state of Kansas, we see a pattern of a single farmhouse
> surrounded by fields, followed by another single homestead surrounded
> by fields.
>
>
> An appositive:                A place of refuge, the Mission provides
> food and shelter for Springfield's homeless.
>
>
> An absolute:                   His fur bristling, the cat went on the
> attack.
>
>   CLAUSES
>
>
>
>
>
>
> An adverbial clause:         When you first start writing—and I think
> it's true for a lot of beginning writers—you’re scared to death that
> if you don't get that sentence right that minute it's never going to
> show up again.
>
>
> An adjective clause:         The freshman, who was not a joiner of
> organizations, found herself unanimously elected president of a group
> of animal lovers.
>
>
>
> A noun clause:                Why earthquakes occur is a questions to
> ask a geologist.
>
>
>
>
> On May 22, 2009, at 11:05 AM, Jean Waldman wrote:
>
>> Susan,
>> This is the first time you mentioned that you teach the students
>> HOW to vary their sentences.  I was under the impression that you
>> just demand that they do it and grade them on whether they do it.
>>
>> What method do you use to teach the different possible variations?
>>
>> Jean Waldman
>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Susan van Druten"
>> <[log in to unmask]>
>> To: <[log in to unmask]>
>> Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2009 7:21 PM
>> Subject: Re: Sentences beginning with conjunctions
>>
>>
>> Craig, I just don't understand your logic.  You were asked to
>> evaluate two passages that contained the same content.  The first had
>> boring sentence starts and the second had variation.  You admitted
>> the second had "more flexibility" but then concluded that it doesn't
>> make it better and went on to speak for Ed that he couldn't possibly
>> believe the varying sentence starts made it better.
>>
>> That struck me as arrogantly dismissive.
>>
>> Do you have any proof that teaching students how to vary their
>> sentence starts compromises their ability to write with coherence?
>> It seems like such a  stretch  Varying a sentence start doesn't force
>> students to vary the subject.  If varying sentence starts doesn't
>> lead to incoherence, would you change your stance?  Or do you have
>> other concerns as well.
>>
>> Susan
>>
>> On May 20, 2009, at 9:55 PM, Craig Hancock wrote:
>>
>>> Susan,
>>>    I'm sorry if I come across as arrogantly dismissive. I don't
>>> mean to
>>> be. I do believe that teaching students to vary sentence openings is
>>> not a good idea, and I have given that a great deal of study and
>>> thought.  I believe that the conventional advice to vary sentence
>>> openings is not based on close observation of how language works in
>>> effective texts. I'm not sure why you would say those points are
>>> irrelevant. Asking students to vary sentence openings may have the
>>> effect of pushing them further away from coherence--at best, a
>>> distraction from more relevant choices.
>>>    Here's a opening passage--chosen in part because I already
>>> have  it in
>>> an electronic file to copy from--from Leslie Silko's "Yellow woman".
>>> It's a short story, so the sentence openings are more typical of
>>> narrative than of a more expository text, but the sentence
>>> openings  are
>>> quite unremarkable, almost entirely pronouns. I hope we can base the
>>> discussion on observations of effective writing, not on personal
>>> preferences.
>>>
>>>   Yellow Woman    (Leslie Silko)
>>>
>>>     My thigh clung to his with dampness, and I watched the sun
>>> rising up
>>> through the tamaracks and willows. The small brown water birds
>>> came to
>>> the river and hopped across the mud, leaving brown scratches in the
>>> alkali-white crust. They bathed in the river silently. I could hear
>>> the water, almost at our feet where the narrow fast channel bubbled
>>> and washed green ragged moss and fern leaves. I looked at him beside
>>> me, rolled in the red blanket on the white river sand. I cleaned the
>>> sand out of the cracks between my toes, squinting because the sun was
>>> above the willow trees. I looked at him for the last time,
>>> sleeping on
>>> the white river sand.
>>>      I felt hungry and followed the river south the way we had
>>> come  the
>>> night before, following our footprints that were already blurred by
>>> lizard tracks and bug trails. The horses were still lying down, and
>>> the black one whinnied when he saw me but he did not get up—maybe it
>>> was because the corral was made out of thick cedar branches and the
>>> horse had not yet felt the sun like I had. I tried to look beyond the
>>> pale red mesas to the pueblo. I knew it was there, even if I could
>>> not see it, on the sandrock hill above the river, the same river that
>>> moved past me now and had reflected the moon last night.
>>>     The horse felt warm underneath me. He shook his head and pawed
>>> the
>>> sand. The bay whinnied and leaned against the gate trying to follow,
>>> and I remembered him asleep inside the red blanket beside the
>>> river. I
>>> slid off the horse and tied him close to the other horse, I waked
>>> north with the river again, and the white sand broke loose in
>>> footprints over footprints.
>>>     “Wake up.”
>>>     He moved in the blanket and turned his face to me with his
>>> eyes  still
>>> closed. I knelt down to touch him.
>>>     “I’m leaving.”
>>>     He smiled now, eyes still closed. “You are coming with me,
>>> remember?”
>>> He sat up now with his bare dark chest and belly in the sun.
>>>     “Where?”
>>>     “To my place.”
>>>     “And will I come back?”
>>>      He pulled his pants on. I walked away from him, feeling him
>>> behind me
>>> and smelling the willows.
>>>     “Yellow woman,” he said.
>>>     I turned to face him. “Who are you?” I asked.
>>>     He laughed and knelt on the low, sandy bank, washing his face
>>> in the
>>> river. “Last night you guessed my name, and you knew why I had come.”
>>>      I stared past him at the shallow moving water and tried to
>>> remember
>>> the night, but I could only see the moon in the water and remember
>>> his warmth around me.
>>>
>>>  Craig
>>>
>>> Craig
>>> I sounded snarky in my last email.  I'm sorry for that.  But you
>>>> really are arrogantly dismissive of something I teach my students as
>>>> a mini-lesson but do not require them to do in their essays.  I have
>>>> seen better writing from them, and it is annoying to have such
>>>> strong
>>>> evidence be dismissed without much thought.  I do think you have not
>>>> thought this through.
>>>>
>>>> Susan
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On May 20, 2009, at 7:57 PM, Susan van Druten wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> On May 20, 2009, at 1:09 PM, Craig Hancock wrote:
>>>>>> You can certainly make the judgment that Ed's version shows more
>>>>>> flexibility on the part of the writer, but it doesn't make it a
>>>>>> better essay,
>>>>>
>>>>> Craig, it's clearly better.  You offer no evidence for why it is
>>>>> worse or even equal.  Own up, dude:  It is clearly better, but,
>>>>> yes, it still sucks.  Your tower is showing.
>>>>>
>>>>> The rest of your argument is irrelevant.  You are preaching to the
>>>>> choir.  We do know what makes a good essay.  We know that varying
>>>>> sentence starts is not a panacea.
>>>>>
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>>>>
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