Can I throw in a question here?  The revised version seems to me to create a new problem... we have only one sentence with a varying start now, and in it, the subject is a pronoun referring back to an adjective in the previous sentence.  I realize that this phenomenon is acceptable in spoken speech and probably happens a lot in writing, but I'm wondering if others out there teaching would point this out to students or let it go...

<Landon is comparing Jamie’s weight to leaves falling.  She has become so sick that she has lost a lot of weight, and he has really started to notice it.>
 
It seems to me that *she* would work well if Landon were female; alternately, one might begin the second sentence with *Jamie* and solve the problem, as the 2nd *she* would then be clear.
 
Curious what others think --
--Jordan 


      

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