I have to disagree with Susan. I think you're right on the money as usual,
Herb. My 11th graders and I have been discussing and working with discourse
structures, attempting to "articulate" elements of coherence and rhetorical
force. My students have identified (I believe rightfully so) a certain
relationship between clarity and "organic" language (we use that to mean
natural spoken language or written language styled to feel "natural" and
"conversational"): as one's attention to clarity increases, one approaches a
threshhold at which the organic quality declines. In my students' words, "If
we get too formal, we have to exclude a lot of our best sentences."

My goal is for them to see language registers as something other than a
concept. I want them to make a connection between register and rhetorical
effect, and I think they're making good progress on that discovery. Equipped
with functional knowledge of register and its force on composition, the
students (in "the plan") will apply it themselves.

I'm going to present your passage to them tomorrow, Herb. I want to see what
they think about the effect of parallelism in a broader discourse unit. It
may fit into their theory. This passage may be perfectly understandable and
carry appropriate parallel force at the price of some formal clarity. I
agree with you that the appropriateness is entirely dependent on context,
but I like to let them make their own judgments.

Also, thanks for the "Spiro  conjectures Ex-Lax" example! As part of our
study of discourse, we've been looking at this very thing -- how discourse
context can validate structure (and of course, create meaning). I'm going to
use this example in tomorrow's class.

John Alexander
Austin, Texas

On Mon, Jun 1, 2009 at 8:34 PM, Susan van Druten <[log in to unmask]>wrote:

> Heather and her sister Joanne were both afraid of spiders.  Heather's fear
>> was offset by her deep sense of compassion for vulnerable creatures.  Unlike
>> Heather, who would always put spiders safely outside if she found them in
>> the house, Joanne's fear kept her from going anywhere near the creatures.
>>
>
> Hmm, how about this:
> Unlike Herb, who was unclear about how parallel structure provides clarity
> of thought, Susan lacked any fear of Herb's credentials because she knew the
> Emperor had a scarcity of cloth coverage.
>
>
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