Are you kidding me?  Really?  You think you can apply enough math and do enough experiments and you will finally quantify how many parts of speech there are?  It is the most basic question in grammar, and no one has been able to do it--and not through lack of trying.

So when you get done with that, you can quantify the amount of humor in every joke.  

When you do that, I will gladly call you a scientist.  Really.  I will.  No joke.  Nothing to quantify.  Really.  No, really.  Put your meter away.  It's not a joke; I mean it.