In article <[log in to unmask]>, Carl Knoos
<[log in to unmask]> warned us of some very dangerous viruses:
 
>[snip]
 
Badtimes Virus Alert
 
If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it.
 
This is the most dangerous eMail virus yet. It will re-write your hard
drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that
are even close to your computer.
 
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream goes melty.
 
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the
tracking on your VCR and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
 
It will give your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend your new phone number. It will
mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your
beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company
coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back
pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late
for work.
 
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you
nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in
your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current
boyfriend / girlfriend behind your back and
billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.
 
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such
is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the
grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
 
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It
will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages
on your boss's voicemail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is
dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.
 
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat
up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your
bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to
chase grade-schoolers with your new
snowblower.
 
These are just a few signs... Just be very careful!
--
Courtesy of John Harlan, John Moose.
 
Clayton